SCRIPT
All the kids running around the room being superheroes. All of them slowly come to a stop when they notice Mistress standing at the front of the room holding the red cloth in her hand.
Mistress: It never happened…
Mistress exits. Guzzle and Gazer washing shirt, leave in box.
Guzzle: Gravy is most important.
Gazer: Oh, indeed. Never back-brush too hard.
Guzzle: Dark brown and smooth it should be.
Gazer: That's what I tell them. There's no point in spending a small fortune on a permanent if you brush it all out again.
Guzzle: Exactly. How can bumps get into the gravy? Criminal carelessness.
Gazer: Not that I expect a permanent to be too permanent.
Guzzle: No, indeed. There's no excuse for lumps.
Gazer: This year's fashion is next year's old hat. But I have such fine hair.
Guzzle: Even in times of economic stress my gravy was exemplary.
Gazer: Mine is like spun gossamer.
Guzzle: Speaking as a consumer.
Gazer: Bobby pins tomorrow.
Guzzle: A gravy user.
Gazer: With gossamer.
Guzzle: Gravy.
Gazer: What there is of it.
Sloth: It’s never seen, or else, I just don’t see it.
Twitting: I was never given to opinions.
Stranger: I listen, I hear. There’s talk, talk, more talk.
The Thump rises and strikes an attitude as though about to deliver an important announcement, then' changes her mind, and sinks down again. The Gossip stands.
Gossip: No use coming to me with your tales, I told her. I'm not one of your lines of communication. I really don't kn bow where she gets it all. Though I've seen her myself with an ear to the bedroom wall. Don't ask me how, because I've never been one to divulge a source of information. A secret with me is as safe as the graveyard. Not like some people. we know. We've seen their telescopes, haven't we? And their periscopes. To say nothing of gyroscopes, microscopes, and thermometers. We know who conveys those tasty tidbits from keyhole to keyhole. Don't look at me. I'm not one of your talkers. You won't catch me hanging round the cooked-meat counter. I keep myself to myself—which is the safest place when all's said and done. Honi soil qui mal y pense. You've heard that one, haven't you? Of course you have. I'm always coming out with it. It's from the French. Not that I'm given to the French. Not like someone we all know. It's in her blood. You don't have to take my word for it; you can see by the way she carries on. Oh, I could tell you a tale or two. I know. (She returns to her place)
Twitting: Don't ask me. Please.
Sloth: Too much to do yet so little time.
Stranger: Why do you need me? All of you, why do need my ear?
The Mistress's voice is heard off: Ideally this would be an amplified whisper
Mistress: (off) Sweeties. Sweeties, sweeties, sweeties.
The Ladies look at each other, then immediately try to appear as though they had not
Mistress: (Off) Where are my sweeties?
The Ladies get up and move about rapidly, but aimlessly—talking, but never listening
Guzzle: Surely it must be tea-time. Where are the muffins and crumpets? Where are the toasted tea-cakes? Where is the thin-cut bread and butter? Where is the tea?
Gloom: Warm wrapping. That's the only answer. Lagging, if you look at it from the plumber's point of view. Why should we cosset our pipes, but neglect our torsos? Medicated wool is the answer. Yards of it.
Gazer: I've been experimenting with underwater shades—pearl, coral, and anemone. Youthful tints. Far too youthful to be left to mere youth. Pearl, and coral, and sea something. Has anyone noticed?
Gossip: Only one leg. That's a fact. I heard it myself. That makes you think, doesn't it? Someone has some explaining to do if you ask me. All those years and only one leg.
Thump: The rot must be stopped. That's what a dentist does with a decaying tooth. He stops it. This is a decaying society. It must be stopped before the rot spreads.
Twitting: This is all so unsettling. Nothing stays the same for more than two seconds running. Even the barometer goes up and down like clockwork. How can one trust in anything when everything is always changing?
Sloth: I’m moving, I’m moving, yet I never get anywhere and nor do I want to. Why should one move when there is no need. Things will happen and things will be taken care of. Time is of the essence
Stranger: Here one minute, gone the next. I’m not expected to stay; nor can I leave. They confide in me because I’m not known – I’m trusted, but they do not know who I am. Nor do they care. Nor do I. Do I? Do I care? Do I care about them? Do I care at all anymore?
Pause. There is the amplified sound of a key being turned in a lock The Ladies move about and talk even faster
Guzzle: Tea-cakes. Tea-cakes. Tea-cakes. Cream buns and puff-paste. Tea. Tea. Tea.
Gloom: Warm, Warmer. Warmest. Wrap up. Avoid draughts. Keep warm. Warmer. Warmest.
Gazer: Beautiful for ever. Health and beauty. Home and beauty. Sleep. Beauty. Sleep.
Gossip: No. No. Not a word. Listen to this. Did you ever? No,
Thump: Stop. Stop.. Stop. Down with it. Out with it. Away with it. Stop. Stop. Stop.
Twitting: Not again. Oh, not again. This is too much. Much to much. Not again.
Sloth: Dream, wake, think of moving, dream, dream always dreaming, rarely moving. Wake.
Stranger: Tell me. Tell me everything. Tell me everything you think I need to know. I’ll hear; watch; here
The door is opened. Everyone stands very still, very quiet. The Mistress stands in the doorway. She is a smiling and benign, but authoritative person, older than the Ladies, and, if possible, taller than any of them
Mistress: Here are my sweeties.
(She shuts the door behind her and advances into the room)
Mistress: How are my sweeties?
The Ladies move about again, but in turn come up to the Mistress
Twittering: It's the uncertainty that bothers me. If only I could be sure about anything. But I'm not. One day I think one way, and the next day I think the opposite.
Mistress: That's because you're a permanently floating voter.
Twitting: Am I? Am I really? Oh, thank you so much.
Thump: Sex and violence. You've seen it, haven't you? Even in comics. I've made a study of comics. Lurid with lust and bad jokes. It's a problem.
Mistress: But in such safe hands.
Thump: The censor. That's what we need. Bring back the censor.
Gloom: Have you been inoculated against rabies?
Mistress: Against everything.
Gloom: How wise.
Gossip: Have you heard?
Mistress: Whisper.
The Gossip does so
Mistress: Incredible.
Gossip: Nothing but the truth.
Gazer: Have you noticed?
Mistress: Beautiful.
Stranger: I’m not needed here. I listen but I’m not necessary. To be necessary is necessary to all. I am not necessary.
Mistress: You underestimate your worth to me – to all.
Sloth: Must I move? Must I do? It really is a bother.
Mistress: It is no more bother to move than it is not to.
Gazer: I think so, too.
Mistress: And I have something for my pet Guzzle. (She hands Guzzle a macaroon)
Guzzle: A macaroon? I was just thinking about a macaroon. I shall keep it always to remind me of you. (She eats it)
(The Mistress claps her hands. The Ladies react with gasps, squeaks, and snorts according to their nature)
Mistress: Listen. (The Ladies listen) You have a new playmate. You will be kind to her, won't you?
Gazer: It's this light. Not the kindest to my complexion.
Mistress: I know you will. You'll have to be specially understanding because she is a Wild One. Her little ways may not be your little ways. But I know you'll be understanding.
Gloom: I wonder if it isn't all in the mind.
Mistress: Remember when I first introduced our little Twitting.
Twitting: I would if I could, but ...
Mistress: You made her at home almost at once.
Guzzle: Why, is it impossible to get old-fashioned tripe and onions?
Mistress: So I know you'll all do your best for our Wild One.
Gossip: I've heard. I'm passing nothing on, you understand. But I've heard.
Mistress: I know, my sweeties. Just a minute while I fetch your new companion. Isn't this exciting?
The Mistress goes out, shutting the door after her
Thump: Wild? Wild? The magistrates aren't severe enough. Let off with a caution instead of the cat.
Guzzle: Wild things are oppressively expensive. Rice. Strawberries. Because they are luxuries. Are they luxuries because they're expensive, or are they expensive because they're luxuries?
Sloth: Must I make way? I must prepare but I’m not certain I need do it. Here is my place. Or here. Or here? I can’t go on.
Stranger: Another and another, they come. We come. We have been sent, but how many more? How many more can I listen to?
Mistress: (off) This way, my sweet.
Thump: Wild.
Guzzle: Rice.
Gossip: Paper.
Gazer: Hat.
Gloom: Stand.
Twitting: Aside.
Sloth: Note.
Stranger: All.
The door opens and The Mistress ushers in The Wild One. The Wild One is possibly a little younger than the others. What really distinguishes her from them, though, is her attitude. She is receptive to what is going on around her
Wild One: So this is my prison.- Thump looks
Mistress: Your home
Wild One: My cage.
Mistress: We don't use that word. Look, everyone. Here is your new friend.
The Ladies want to turn and look at the newcomer, but this is not done. They steal little sidelong glances, and then pretend that they have not. They continue to suffer from curiosity, and to fall for temptation
Mistress: You'll be happy here.
Wild One: Is that an order?
Mistress: I know you'll be happy here.
Wild One: I was happy there.- Thump looks
Mistress: You would have died. You have enemies out there, predators whose first impulse is to tear you to pieces.
Wild One: And what happens to me here?
Mistress: You'll be looked after. Protected. I'm your friend.
Wild One: First rule for any prisoner: make sure the gaoler is a friend.-Gazer Looks
Mistress: Please don't be unhappy.
Wild One: Are these happy?
Mistress: They are contented.
Wild One: A different word. For locks read apathy, for bolts resignation; and the bars are called contentment. I warned you —I shall escape.
Mistress: And I warned you. Your choice is life or death. Do be a sensible creature. You'll soon settle down. Won't she, my sweeties? All so cosy.
Wild One: I won't call you mistress.
Mistress: It isn't compulsory.
Wild One: I won't perform for you.
Mistress: You amuse me just as you are.- Everyone laughs
Wild One: I don't sing or dance or make jokes. I'm not pretty and I'm not loving. Why have you brought me here?
Mistress: Perhaps I feel sorry for you.
Wild One: Charity! That's a great luxury. I hate you for it.-Gazer Looks
Mistress: That's up to you, my pet. Your frost can never kill my satisfaction.
Wild One: Leave me, then. If you won't release me, leave me.- Thump looks
Mistress: I always try to do what is best for my sweeties. (She goes to the door) I'm sorry I have to lock the door. It's for the best. For all of you.
The Mistress goes out. There is the amplified sound of the key turning in the lock
The Wild One suddenly turns, runs up to the door, and tries to open it. It is securely locked. The The Wild One beats at it with her fists. The Ladies stare ahead, a little distressed by this display of emotion, but determined to show nothing themselves. The Wild One stops beating the door. Slowly she turns and looks at the Ladies. Silence, which goes on until The Wild One has to break it
Wild One: I'm sorry. I—hope I—didn't upset you. (Pause) These performances must be disturbing. I'm in full control of myself now. (Pause) I'm sorry if I behaved stupidly. (With voice rising) But I am not used to walls, and ceilings, and doors with locks. (She checks herself) Sorry.
Silence. Wild One ventures a little farther into the room. (With a slight, rueful smile)
Wild One: I have to make myself at home. Command from on high . . . I'm your new cage companion. (Pause) Shall we get acquainted? I may not be here for long. (Pause) I shouldn't be here at all, but I was given no choice. There has been a miscarriage of justice. (She checks herself)
Silence
Wild one: But you probably know about that. After all you're here yourselves.
Silence. The Wild One walks about the room, looking at The Ladies, who pretend they are not being looked at
Wild one: (Becoming irritated) What happened when you were first put here? Did you go into a cataleptic trance? Did you go off your pet food ? Did you squeal with your heels in the air? Or did you sing sweetly from the minute the door slammed ? (She realizes that she is shouting) I'm sorry.
Silence. The Wild One returns to the centre of the room
Wild one: I'm sorry. I shouldn't be here. I know I shouldn't be here. But what can I do? I'm sorry.
Silence
Wild One: Up the Revolution! Votes for Women! Take me to your Leader!
Silence
Wild one: I'm sorry. You were here first. You call the tune. You chose your own time. I don't understand your rules. I don't know any rules. Check. I know one. There should be no cages. But here we are in a cage. What good is the rest of the rule-book when the first rule is broken? (She checks herself) I'm sorry. (Pause) I expect you'll be hearing that a lot. As long as I'm here. As long as . . .
Silence. The Wild One waits. She notices The Twitting's head turn ever so slightly as she steals a peep. The Wild One strides over to the Twitting
Wild one: (Aggressively) So you're contented, are you ?
Twitting: I—er—I—don't—er—know.
Wild One: So why are you still here?
Gazer: Up the hair revolution! The possibilities...The Bob, The Shingle cut...
Wild one: Do you ever talk about other stuff?
Gossip: We have our interests
Wild one: Why are you here still? What’s keeping you?
Stranger: The door is locked
Guzzle: The mistress! The mistress! My love, my provider.
Wild one: Why do you listen to her? Love? Provider?! Listen to yourselves! The Mistress is controlling you! why don’t you escape?
All: Escape?!
Gossip: I heard, in America... (sloth cuts Gossip off)
Sloth: Where would I sleep, where will I wake... (Stranger cuts off Sloth)
Stranger: The noise the noise, why is there more noise…(Thump cuts off Stranger)
Thump: If a bird leaves it’s nest before it’s ready to fly, it will not be able to provide itself with the basic needs of survival- food, shelter, protection...
Gloom: Who cares where I spend my life? It’s all the same.
Guzzle: But how to survive? No gravy outside?
Twitting: The Spontaneity! I couldn’t be spontaneous… no… you can’t trust the risks… i can’t trust myself...
Wild one: Surely that would be better than what you have here though? No matter the consequences… I have dreams of freedom. No cages, no bars. I have dreams...
Guzzle: Of all you can eat buffets
Twitting: Of somewhere safe
Gloom: Of darkness.
Gossip: Of the biggest secrets
Sloth: Of peaceful dreaming
Thump: Of laughter.
Gazer: Of permanent, permanents!
Stranger: Of quiet
Wild One: So why do you listen to her? Why are you still here if she’s keeping you locked up- don’t you see that she’s keeping you from your dreams? Don’t you see that she’s evil!?
All: Evil… Whisper
Gloom: Evil? Evil? Oh. (whisper confused and disappointed, almost)
Mistress enter
Mistress: My darlings... (looks towards Wild One creepy smile)
Thump: You are a bitch (slowly, unsure and quietly)
Wild One: You are evil! (Tryin`g to convince the others)
Gloom: Why so dark?
Twitting: What have you done? You witch! (unsure)
Gossip: It’s true! I’ve heard its true
Mistress: What?!
Stranger: quiet bitch
Sloth: Who do you think you are?
Wild One: Evil! (Louder)
Gloom: Dark!
Gazer: Guilty!
Twitting: Witch!
Guzzle: Liar!
Stranger: Quiet
Wild one: Evil
Gossip: Crazy!
Sloth: Bitch
Mistress: STOP!
calms down a bit and composes herself
passes Guzzle a macaroon
hands Gazer her mirror
Mistress: My darlings… think! this isn’t you. Wild.
Gazer: (sees wild one in mirror reflection)
Wild
All Turn slowly to face Wild One
Guzzle: (mouth full of macaroon) Wild
Gloom: Wild
Stranger: Wild
Sloth: Wild
Twitting: Wild
Thump: Wild
Gossip: Wild
Wild one: Evil! Evil! Evil! (Pointing at Mistress and looking worried)
Gloom: Evil? Wild!
All: Wild, wild, wild (draw in closely to Wild One in clump)
Gossip: Kill (assertively)
All kill wild one behind screen
Gazer: Dead
Gloom: Blood. Red.
Mistress: Chores (Hands scarf to gazer)
Twitting: Chores (uncertainly)
All back to original positions
Mistress: It never happened…
Mistress exits
Guzzle: Gravy is most important.
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